Oh The Douchebaggery

I would like to take this opportunity to thank the anus customer (black S.U.V.) at the Cumberland Farms on Hope Street for his obvious interest in my well-being.

Yeah, guarded insults are my specialty.

What I really want to say is, "Thank you for making me feel worthless and degraded".

Here's to you, douche-nozzle!

So, I was on my way to a potluck at around 8 p.m. (sorry, I was late, but mommy had some primping to do..i.e. I brushed my hair) when I saw my car's maintenance light come on.

I pull over to check my fluid levels, as any one who OWNS A MOTOR VEHICLE is wont to do.

I am hindered by the dark...can't find any relevant dipsticks and, so, go inside to borrow a flashlight.

Everybody there knows me.
It's where I go to score my cigarettes, mountain dew, farmfresh coffee, and other vices.

Oh, and, every once in a while, I buy some motor oil....
Purchases that keep both me and my car going.

But, I suppose, because I am dressed for a night out, I am a target.
Who knows?

I am looking under my hood with the help of said flashlight when some troglodyte driving an environment killer shouts across the packed parking lot, "You need help, Honey"?

I say no.

Shouldn't that have been enough?

He shouts again.

"I just don't think a pretty lady should be messing around under the hood".

Let's get two things straight..

1) I have been operating a motor vehicle for over half of my life. It would be completely irresponsible if I didn't know how to conduct basic maintenance on my car.

Please!

I have driven all over this map.

2) Is that some kind of sick euphemism...and if it is...what kind of women are you attracted to?
Those who can't do for themselves?

I will admit that I managed to burn my first car into oblivion.
But I was sixteen.
Shit tends to happen.

I was merely changing my oil when this fuck decided to ruin my night.

Every three seconds he kept cat-calling me with an "offer of help".

And yeah,I swear, I am not bitter.

But every time I am checking under my hood I get some offer of "assistance".

It's never from a lady.
No.

It's always from some dude who thinks that I have some physiological retardation when it comes to my car's upkeep.

So, ass-hat...

I managed to get my car back in working order, short skirt and all.

Oh, wait....(3). Thanks for calling me pretty.

Summer wedding?