Oh The Douchebaggery

I recently re-joined the Y because I have nothing better to do.

I am ambulatory enough as it is, I don't need some cardiovascular machine making me it's bitch! No thanks.

But I am just bored as hell and need something, ANYTHING to do.
So, I take stock of all the possible options (a. completely succumbing to crazy-person behavior and walking around the burg mumbling and acquiring tics, b. moving to Cambodia to do charity work....i.e. help raise the Pitt-Jolie's next pet project, c. taking up macrame, or the god awful d. making myspace a serious habit) and I settle on the most palatable recourse...working out like a fiend. Anything to cure me of the "what-to-do's".

It's helped a bit.

I have some place to go besides my godforsaken apartment.

I even amp myself up before the two block walk with mantras like, "hey, maybe you will meet somebody new".

As if!

Since I renewed my membership I have seen a score of ass-hats that I would never, ever, talk to if polite society didn't deem it necessary.

There is the grunter. He is at the gym 24/7 and I'm not even sure if he has a larynx because all he manages to say is "uuunnhhh" and "aaaahhh".
And p.s. your parachute pants are not fooling anybody!

Then there is the anorexic hipster.
I'm confused.
You are on a cardio machine and wearing a sweater vest.
What?
I was on the machine behind you for well over an hour. I must admit, It's kinda' enviable that your body doesn't emit sweat. But, seriously! I was trying to figure out your butt the entire time I was there. I am not the proud owner of junk! Wish I was...but you are just frightening. Get yourself to an outpatient clinic immediately. Honestly, Karen Carpenter called and wants her body dysmorphic disorder back.

And finally, former customer who might just double as a creepy exhibitionist.
Why is it that every time I am in the locker room i see you in all your Adam and Eve-ery?
It's weird.
It makes ME feel like a perv.
And you wanna' make small talk when we are both buck naked?
EEEEEW!

Dress thine self..and then maybe?

At a later date.

At a less pervy environment!