Oh The Douchebaggery

Cause' you are fixin' to see a catfight!

So I am unemployed, duh.

My sister asks if I want to baby-sit. I say sure, I needs to get paid! And I love my nieces, so it's a win-win.

We decide to meet up at the Rochembeau Library on Hope where she has her La Leche meeting.

I walk in, see a whole bunch of new mom boobies, and am ready to hotfoot it outta' there like an east-sider at a Wu-Tang show...Oh, yes! I did. Non-tipping hussies.

Nico, Lena, and I take our business to the children's room.

P.S. ! I have totally missed my calling.

Read a childrens' book lately?
They are short, completely lacking in plot development and characterization, and totally anti-climatic.

I swear to God, I have been noticing an epidemic of totally dumbass kids and all this time I have been blaming the mothers! Childrens' Lit. is a totally untapped resource!

Honestly, though. I kid a lot, but why the hell are we treating our young one's like they have the wherewithal of a basketball? I know it's cliche, but kids are indeed sponges.

My nieces are incredibly smart.

I mean, sure, they have superior DNA, but come on!
Why would you talk down to a precious young mind!

I am getting beside myself here, so let's get to the point.

I come back from Whole Foods with Nico and Lena in tow and see the parking slut-tendant.
She's shifty as usual in all her Costanza glory (loyal readers--all 3 of you---know the whorible bitch I am talking about) and pretending not to see me.

I'm thinking, ahh, she's about to get somebody good, wily buttaface!

But because I am dealing with two toddlers and a case of the "I gotta' get away from all this unsexy lactation" , I disregard my gut.

Sorry, gut, I wronged you.
You were right as usual.
Promise to never, ever, eat a guacamole, mayo, and cheese sandwich again.

I got a thirty dollar ticket for parking in a cross-walk.

I'd like to take this time to point out that nobody, and I mean NOBODY, in Rhode Island heeds the cross-walk.

You are putting your life in your own hands if you think that somebody's gonna' stop for you.

That aside, this dried up hag was obviously avoiding me as I parked.
She saw me, coulda' told me to move my car....NO!

Muahaha...
You have just messed with the wrong girl.

I have been looking for a reason to snap the smug satisfaction off your face!

The light is GREEN!

It is on.