Oh The Douchebaggery

So, we leave Tazza to see what other fun times are on the horizon when we notice a whole weird grab bag of people leaving Lupo's.
All the chicks were dressed up for prom and all the dudes looked like extras from a Jay-Z video. Note to self---find out who the fuck was playing at Lupo's last night.
My guess was Enrique Iglesias, because for some reason the ladies seriously hootch it up for that dude.
My hypothesis is that his giant mole has some crazy gravitational pull that effects only suburban white girls. And their long suffering boyfriends had to "man up" with as much bling, backward baseball caps, and cologne as possible in order to deflect any questioning of dudery.
Come on guy, you know you bobbed your head to Hero. Feel the Latin flame...it's all good.
So there are a bunch of cops out front keeping the peace.
And one poor traffic horse just looking ultra-confused.
The "man" literally rides this bitch's ass all day long and what does she get? A fucking diaper.
The horse is a beautiful and majestic animal.
The unfortunate filly who's job it is to carry a fat cop around all day has really drawn the short straw.
Speaking of straw, can you imagine if that was all you ate?
So bland. So monochromatic.
Therefore it wasn't that surprising when the horse started to munch on a traffic cone.
I imagine it was thinking, "Mmmm. Bright and orange, just like a yummy carrot! Hmm, it doesn't really taste like a carrot but it doesn't taste like hay either! I wish humans would stop perpetuating the myth that hay is for horses....we hate that shit. God this cop smells like bourbon. Is that Enrique Iglesias I hear? I will be your hero, baby....Neigh!"