Oh The Douchebaggery

After a while, we decide to venture back in to Tazza.
Some stupid whore was looking at my friend and me like we had just chain-ganged her boyfriend, which was unsettling, but bitches can be irrational, so I let it slide.
Until I went to take a sip of water and, after having downed a healthy sip, discovered that she had spit her gum into my glass.
I have been trying to harness my chi lately. I been on a real Zen trip.
But this makes me angry. Fightin' mad.
So we decide to hotfoot it before things come to Jerry Springer style fistacuffs.
And we end up at good ol' Local 121.
Wow it was smelly there.
And some British dude was spying on us at the bar.
As soon as we sat down, he came and sat beside me and started whispering sweet garlicky nothings in my ear. I'm totally revolted and nudging my friend in the knee like, get me the fuck outta' here. So we draw on an old classic. Straight-up fake lesbianism. Pretending that you are attracted to the ladies is so much easier than explaining that you are not at all interested in them.
And just, f.y.i., I find it can also help get you out of a routine traffic ticket.
Seriously, if you are a lady and get pulled over while escorting another lady friend around town, nothing says "crisis averted" like putting a well placed hand on another woman's bare thigh. Try it, it works. Nine out of ten Mercy's agree!
So British guy inevitably absconded his advances and the evening resumed.
The dance floor was on fire with some hilarious maneuvering.
There is too much eye-candy to describe via essay, so I'm making a list, Santa style.
1) Perfectly able gentleman with cane and James Spader's wardrobe from Less than Zero. Why the hell are you bringing a cane on the dance floor? If you have a cane, you better be able to move like that old dude from the Expedia commercials. No, really? You're just going to twirl it around like a flag girl? How are you even possible?
2)Asian guy who has no use for his lower body. I am more engaged in the music then you are and I am sitting down.
3)Guy totally confused about his identity. He's wearing skinny,skinny jeans and Birkenstocks. He probably just moved here from Montana or something, got into the RISD scene and couldn't decide on smelly hippie or hipster. Why not try both? Simultaneously!
----there were others who rounded out this entertaining group of kids, but I feel like I need to point out that the above suspects were friends and, at one point, actually broke out a CHOREOGRAPHED dance move, which they no doubt practiced to perfection in their dorm before breaking it out at the 121. I'm at a loss for words, and I like the words----
4)Guy in Van Halen t-shirt who has clearly never heard of Van Halen. This kid could actually dance. But he had that unfortunate dance face...you know the one! He's happy, feelin' the groove, but also very concentrated. The feeling translates into the oooh, I smell a fart look. Sweet.
5) Girl who thinks she's at an audition for So You Think You Can Dance. Whoah, Nelly! Fancy footwork. Not necessarily the proper venue for merengue, but whatever floats your boat.

I'm really going to have to start carrying a secret camera so I can gift these moments of beauty to posterity.Words are awesome. They make my mouth exercise. But no amount of verbage could compare to the actual clownish spectacle.

Oh, I could just go on and on. So very much fodder there.
But it's the last day of my vacation and I have important tomfoolery to engage in before I'm back to punching a clock.