Oh The Douchebaggery

This is not an angry jokity joke blog.
This is a message to runners and bicyclists everywhere.
Heed it, my friends...or pay the consequences.

I get the allure of outdoor physical activity.

Hell, I ran cross-country for years, much to the detriment of my knees and my menstrual cycle (t.m.i.?).

And those who read this thing know I like to bike, even if my ass hates me for it.

Point is, there are certain things you should know when engaging in these undertakings.
You wear a helmet, duh.
You don't run down the middle of a highway...that would just be too supremely dense for words--- although I do know this one guy named Peanut Butter who routinely did it.
Let's just say, he was five cans short of a six-pack and the last time I saw him he was on an episode of Cops, but other than that, stellar guy!

I digress.

I was walking my dog around town today when at least four runners came up behind us unannounced.
My dog freaks out. It's kind of her thing...
I mean besides all the pooping and sniffing as per the usual canine antics.
These people are creeping up behind me all stealthily and just completely oblivious to the fact that I have a dog.
Sure, she's small and unassuming, but allow me to clue you in to one fact...
The more petite the dog, the bigger the fight or flight response!

Imagine that you are barely a foot tall and some sweating behemoth comes barreling at you with no warning...
I'd nip the hell out of your ankles too.

For the health of your lower extremities (and if by chance you encounter a larger dog) the family jewels, announce yourself!
A simple cough, ahem, or "behind you" will suffice.

Don't look at me with disdain when my dog barks or startles.
You have been forewarned.