Oh The Douchebaggery

I was promised entire meals at the push of a button, jet-packs, and bubble skirts.

Though the bubble skirt did have a brief resurgence in '05 ,(much to my chagrin, because I look ridiculous in one--fuck you, Judy "Bonita Applebaum" Jetson) but where's all the other stuff? I want things to be effortless. I want to do as little with as much return as possible, dammit!

Instead, I get the self-check out.

Every time I opt to use this "convenience" I am confronted with a slew of aggravations.

First the damn sensor won't read my card. I am waving the thing around like a flag at a 4th of July parade and all I get is, "Please scan your card or proceed to check-out" over and over. I am pissed and cursing and apologizing to the person standing behind me.

Then I put some item down on the belt and it tells me to remove the last item. I do as I'm told and this automated bitch tells me to wait for an attendant.

So now I'm just standing there like a fool with a helpless look on my face trying to get the attention of one of these attendants. I am getting angry at the stupid box of Shake and Bake which I no longer even want. And when the employee finally comes over, all she does is wave her magic card at the sensor, re-position the offending Shake and Bake, and walk off.

Of, course the same fucking thing happens a minute later and I have to go through the whole ridiculous dance all over again.

And God forbid I decide to buy something carbonated. Sending it down that belt is like sending it over Niagara falls without a barrel. That shit is gettin' shaken!

Ahhh, technology. So darn convenient!

Another hot-point in the same vein---

I have multiple e-mail addresses. I don't know how exactly I have acquired so many over the years...but I have. I have ones for my dog, ones for my school, ones for sending out important emails (these are ones with my "straight" names, the others have names such as bobdobolina--you get it), and ones that I use when I feel like corresponding with web sites that I know are gonna' spam me.

And because I clearly like to complicate my life, I have chosen individual passwords for these accounts. Smart thinking!

So I am trying to access my dog's Gmail account and I can't remember the password. Five days I have been racking my brain to no avail. And each time I try, it gives me one of those word-keys to type in. You know the ones. They are nonsensical strings of letters, like blkredy, written all trippy. Oh, and, COMPLETELY IMPOSSIBLE TO MAKE OUT!!!

How is this supposed to protect me from hackers when I can't even figure out what I'm supposed to be typing?

And then I always tend to worry a bit about whether or not they are going to shut my Internet capabilities off because I have screwed up the code so many times. I mean, do they think I am a hacker?

I tell you what...We may laugh at the Amish. Well, at least I do!
They are a silly, silly people!

But all this technology is making my life annoying.