Oh The Douchebaggery

On three separate occasions at work today I had my mind downright boggled. This happens to me often on the streets of Providence. Today a girl came in wearing some super-grandma-high waisted jeans that were acid-washed and tapered with those zippers at the bottom whose job it is to keep your pants as tight around your ankles as possible...why? I dunno. She rounded out the ensemble with a pair of Keds and a sailor hat. What the fuck?
I honestly couldn't tell at first if she was being ironic or if she was mentally disabled/blind.
But she was coherent enough when she ordered and she was able to make eye-contact, so let me reiterate, what the fuck? There is an epidemic of some seriously ugly fashion going on in Providence. It's epicenter is the Whole Foods at University Heights. Have you seen the crimes of fashion committed there? Every time I go to the hot bar I have to tell myself to keep looking straight ahead lest I want to get my eyes angry.

Where is the connection between being creative and dressing like an ass-clown?

And ladies, I love that you are rocking your curves. Embrace your junk! But for the love of god, if it doesn't fit, no amount of trying to make it fit is gonna' help your case. So it was the only Debbie Gibson t-shirt they had at Goodwill. Sorry it was a child's size 3x...clearly it was meant for your boyfriend.
No ill-will intended towards the dude you're dating. I get it, he's skinny. No harm, no foul. After all, it never stopped Humpty from gettin' busy! And, he too, liked the girls with the boom.
But really, guy...your tight pants are painful for me to look at. Could ya' size up next time you're at Urban Outfitters? God, the people who work there are doing so much damage to everything Buddy did to beautify our community.

Also, it seems to me that you guys are aiming at different decades. All this anachronism is making me dizzy. And I'm sure it's because you're young and ,retro is, for you, is the nineties---dear Christ---but skinny jeans/anorexia was the late seventies punk scene. Fucking stupid, flamboyant and ugly was the eighties. I lived the eighties. The fashion was idiotic the first time around.

I'm not suggesting you go to the Gap or anything drastic like that. But maybe if you tried, really tried, listening to your mom and dad the next time they tell you that you look like a ridiculous shit-for-brains, i won't have to question your mental health.